Wedding Planning & Wedding Vendors - Bridal Cafe Resource for Weddings

AM I BEING TACKY? "Hi Stephi, I'm a big fan of yours and have been receiving your e-mails throughout my planning process. My question to you is in regards to etiquette. As a way to try and save money for my wedding I did not address "And Guest" to my single guests unless they were engaged, living together, or I knew the significant other personally. The problem is my cousin, who was also a bridesmaid,

just added her new boyfriend's name to the reply card. When I called to explain the situation she told me if he couldn't

come then she wouldn't come and hung up on me. She has now been talking to all the other relatives about how tacky my wedding is. I don't know this guy and he doesn't know me or my fiancé. I did a great deal of research regarding this and found that not inviting single guests with guests is a fairly common practice. It's actually saving me close to $7000! Are my relatives correct in stating this is "tacky" or are they just

not up-to-date with the wedding procedures? Thanks for your advice." -Sarah Sargent >>> MY COMMENTS: I'm so glad you asked this question because this kind of dilemma happens all the time! First things first... Who's wedding is this? ...YOURS! And who's spending the money? ...YOU ARE! So who gets to make all the final decisions? ...YOU DO! Now as far as etiquette goes, when it comes to inviting your single friends

"solo" OR "And Guest"... You are correct... It's completely acceptable NOT to include "And Guest" when you invite "single" people these days... YOUR CHALLENGE lies in how you're defining "single"... Just because a couple isn't engaged or living together doesn't mean they're not committed to one another. If your cousin or any of your other friends are involved in relationships, is it fair for you to say those partners are not significant? This is a VERY TOUGH CALL... No matter how you position it, some guests (like your cousin) WILL BE OFFENDED by this definition of single and feel you're being tacky... That said, $7,000 is A LOT OF MONEY that canbe used for far more important things than inviting guests you don't even know to your wedding! So here's the deal... It's YOUR wedding, so YOU'RE IN CHARGE... What you really need to do is think about the long term consequences of your actions. If you're going to lose friends or create family feuds by sticking with your definition of "single",then I'd recommend you do what you can to avoid this (e.g. compromise)... But if you're simply worried about the opinionsof people who won't really matter in your life a few years down the road, you should do whatis in YOUR BEST INTEREST even if it might createsome "uncomfortable" situations along the way. Now if it were me, I'd include "significantothers" like your cousin's boyfriend (especially since she's a bridesmaid)... and then stick with your plan to invite truly "single" people (e.g. those not in any kind of relationship)

ON THEIR OWN "WITHOUT" a guest. But that's just me... And you need to do what's right for you financially and emotionally... So think of this as the FIRST BIG TESTof your marriage... Discuss it thoroughly with your fiancé... Then make a decision, stick with it, and dealwith the consequences... People will respect you for it... Note: DO NOT be embarrassed to tell people you simply can't afford to invite extra guests and are therefore "limiting" the invitations to close

friends and family and single friendsWITHOUT guests.